About Me

Name: Dave Dentel
Loading...

Create Your Own Blog Find Other Townhall Blogs

Comments

Blog Roll

 

Madonna Adoption: The Open Letter You Didn’t See

To my loyal and adoring fans:

I’m writing to you because I know you’ll understand.

This adoption gig: I promise you it was no publicity stunt. I didn’t drag my husband and the rest of my entourage to Africa on some personal whim -- it was because of poverty and AIDS and crap like that. I mean, what’s the point of being one of the richest, most powerful women anywhere if you can’t yank at least one poor kid out of a hellhole like Malawi?

But like I was saying, I don’t know why the press and other whiners are making such a big deal out of it. This is purely a private family matter.

Sure, some people are saying I might not make the greatest mother. That other families trying to adopt internationally get scrutinized up and down about how much money they make, how they keep house, their physical and mental health, the friends they keep, and that the process can drag on and on and cost a bundle.

So we adopted David in about a week.

So what’s the problem? I’m an awesome mom. I’ve always had great respect for motherhood. Heck, I wanted to be a mother so bad that to get pregnant with my first kid I had sex with a paid employee.

Then there’s griping about some of the stuff in my past -- the nude photos, the coffee table book of porn, the general raunchiness. Hey, you know how hard it is to get ahead in this business. Sometimes you’ve got to stretch yourself -- take a few chances.

Besides, it’s like I said. That stuff’s in the past. These days my professional image is a lot more sophisticated.

Take my recent “Confessions” tour. The mock crucifixion, the crown of thorns, the leather and leashes -- that’s all art. And I think the Malawians appreciate that. At least, I know they sure appreciated all the miniature portraits of American presidents I passed around when I was in their country.

So please, don’t believe the lies about how I’m doing this just to be superficial and vainglorious. Honestly, I couldn’t be more sincere.

I’ve made up my mind. I’m keeping my baby. Oooh. Yeah.

M.

Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Hate Stains Amish Country Crimson, Black

Who could make sense of the carnage? We wish we could take the news of unrelenting violence -- in London and Madrid, Baghdad and Mumbai, and now in Pennsylvania Amish country -- and filter it into some sort of easily understood morality tale, like an old Twilight Zone episode that jolts us for half an hour, then frees us to focus on life’s lesser banalities.

Then it would be easy to read reports of spreading mayhem and lie to ourselves and say that it’s OK, that these dark scenes were already evoked and explained away by actors on a tiny black-and-white screen.

In “I Am The Night, Color Me Black,” written by Rod Serling, residents of a small American town are so obsessed with a local murder that their hate somehow forms a palpable haze, blotting out the sun. What’s more, they find their experience is being mimicked on a global scale, that the manifestation of a general hatred threatens to plunge all humanity into impenetrable darkness.

Yet art reflects life only so much, and hatred, black as it is, is too simple an explanation for the violence that increasingly surrounds us.

Sure, we can say we know that Shiites have hated Sunnis since Islam’s bloody seventh-century schism, or that Arabs have hated Jews since Israel gobbled part of Palestine in 1947, then congratulate ourselves on a perfunctory understanding of distant cultures and conflicts that mean little to us anyway. But what simple answer can we give for why an American milk truck driver would choose to hate Amish schoolgirls?

Authorities say Charles Carl Roberts IV, the man who shot 10 Amish girls in Lancaster County, Pa. -- killing five -- was motivated by grievances about his past. He supposedly was party to some kind of molestation 20 years ago, and felt cheated in his adult life by the death of an infant daughter. Based on this he apparently came to feel that mass murder was his due.

And so we have it -- the link between the suicide bomber who targets wedding guests in Jordan, the rebel who kills schoolchildren in Chechnya, and the American maniac who deals death in Amish country.

Because what motivates these killers is more than hate. It is a sickness bred of arrogance, an egotism that insists that their rage, their anguish, their frustration somehow counts for more than the sufferings of others -- that their own dissatisfaction with a corrupt world is so sharp that it justifies whatever violence they choose to do in exchange.

They make gods of their own vindictiveness, and in doing so foment an evil so dark that -- just as Serling warned -- its shadow touches all of us, and encroaches upon every sanctuary.

Just ask the Amish of Lancaster County. Like their persecuted ancestors, they too foreswear violence and do their best to live apart from the world -- only to be reminded by the blood of their daughters that even in a place called Paradise, the world remains too much with them.

Hate, and the violence it spawns, seems everywhere. But few can agree on how to restrain it.

Some, like Machiavelli, insist it can only be held in check by force -- through fear. Mystics like Tolstoy argue that true goodness can prevail only when it acquiesces fully to evil, a paradox that strikes romantic realists such as Charlotte Bronte as rather muddled. “If the good were always kind and obedient,” her heroine Jane Eyre declares, “the wicked would have it all their own way. They would never feel afraid, but would grow worse and worse.”

But if defiance and unkindness are the only tools for keeping the wicked at bay, how does one employ these without succumbing to wickedness itself?

The answer is hard to bear. It can be found in some of the worst places and worst circumstances ever inflicted by humans on their fellow beings. It was found, for instance, on a Japanese prisoner of war “hellship” during World War II.

On one particular vessel, writes historian John Toland, the filth and stench of a cramped cargo hold combined with hunger and general neglect to drive American prisoners into a homicidal lunacy. They fought over scraps of food. Some stole mats from the dying, others used corpses as stools.

Amid this hysteria, a few men failed to succumb. A trio of chaplains showed they were unwilling to abandon civility, self-restraint and a general regard for humanity no matter the cost. Their defiance cost them their lives.

But it purchased so much more. These chaplains -- and other like them -- prove in the most dramatic way that virtue can indeed be valued more than raw power or even mere survival. Even when the dark night of hate make such things seem hopeless, charity, humility and hope can endure.

Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

The Devil and Mrs. Clinton

On a busy morning in a New York executive suite, a harried blonde intern answers the phone.

“Senator Clinton’s office,” she intones as professionally as any young woman wearing flip-flops and a toe ring can. “Sorry, didn’t quite catch that. Beezle who?”

She listens a moment and nods.

“Oh. Well, if you’ll wait a second Mr. Bub, I’ll see if she’s available.”

The scene shifts to a private office. A much older blonde with a much harder face lifts the receiver.

“Senator Clinton,” she says.

“Hil, baby,” spouts the insidious voice at the other end of the line. “This is Lucifer. We need to talk.”

An awkward silence ensues.

“Lou?”

The caller is not amused.

“Don’t play coy with me, blondie,” he snarls. “You know darn well who this is. It’s me. Mephistopheles. The Prince of Darkness. Lord of the Flies. And I want to know what your people are doing about damage control since that jerk Falwell made the crack about you and the presidential race. Better call in the plumbers, baby, ’cause we got a leak.”

The denial is swift.

“What, you think someone on my end started that? As if things aren’t bad enough, I’ve got to deal with whacko evangelists stirring up their right-wing base.”

“How do you think I feel? You think I like it when some overrated pulpit-pounder says a junior senator from a liberal state scares his people more than I do? It hurts, Hil, it hurts.”

She is unmoved.

“So what do you want--sympathy? Look, I thought you were supposed to have powers. Destroyer of Souls and all that. Why don’t you just whack the guy?”

“I’d love to. But the thing is…” he trails off.

“The thing is what?”

“The thing is--look, I know you’re not going to believe this.”

“Get to the point.”

“The thing is, Falwell’s got connections. All the way to the top, if you know what I mean.”

Her next remark makes even the caller wince.

“Perfect,” she moans. “And you phone and want to give me grief. Look Lou, you know how it is in this business. You got to dance with who brought you. And frankly, these days you’re looking a heck of a lot like a wallflower.”

“Hold one second, doll,” he replies, though not without a hint of desperation. “Don’t think you can just stiff me like that. We got a deal--a relationship. Cross me and you’ll regret it. Remember what happened to Howard Dean?”

“What? His Iowa implosion? Like he needed help with that.”

She sighs.

“Look Lou, nothing personal, but oh-eight isn’t going to a picnic. I need someone who’s really got pull with the powers of darkness.”

“You don’t mean--“

“I do. Goodbye.”

She pauses a moment as a soul-rending shriek spirals through the office, then dies. With a single jab she summons her intern.

“Brit,” she asks nicely. “Can you put me through to Kofi Annan?”

Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (1) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive
« Previous1Next »